WOMAN FOR A DAY

A lot of time I hear women boasting and showing superiority of their womanhood. Most of my arguments with women usually end up with the phrase “You can’t cuz you are not a woman”.

And in my annoyance, I would often wonder ‘How difficult it can be’. Well for me difficult would be pushing an elephant or maybe giving a massage to a mosquito, but being a woman…huh. One Sunday afternoon, after encountering the same situation, I open a bottle of beer to cool myself off. I sit on the couch with a feeling “maybe I can live a life of a woman and show that it’s actually not a big deal. I think of a miracle that suddenly I would change into a woman. I hear a voice and when I turn around, I see a bright light. I see someone saying “I am your Lord God and I fulfil your wish”. Before I could say something, I see a sudden change in my body…my upper body starts protruding out and the lower one into a cavity.

I wake up suddenly and see myself sweating profusely. Whoa...I must have had a dream. I take few seconds to catch my breath and my hands unknowingly reach my chest and I feel large bumps on my chest. A horrifying thought comes to my mind that it’s actually not a dream. I run to the bathroom. Place myself in front of the mirror. My eyes are still closed and praying...No God…please, please let this be just a dream. I take off my t-shirt and look in the mirror. I scream in distress. It is a reality. I have been transformed into a......”WOMAN”.

I am in a state of panic. I have curves in place of cuts. I take some time to digest this feeling and try to cope up with the reality. I say to myself. “Calm down calm down…How difficult it can be”. Now that it has happened, let me see how’s being a woman. Suddenly, another bomb falls and the thought more devastating than Hiroshima or Nagasaki, haunts me. “Is it that time of the month?” My legs are trembling. Heart is beating faster than a Concorde. I examine and fortunately, it’s not. Otherwise, given my male upbringing my first reaction would be to look for a band-aid.

Without further ado, I find myself in a toilet in an effort to solve the toilet imbroglio. I make an honest effort to lift my skirt and try to pee standing up. I realise that there’s nothing to take an aim and after tinkling over an area of five square feet, I finally understand why it should be done sitting.

Now that I have come in terms with me being a woman, I take it as a challenge to live a normal feminine life. Next challenge is getting dressed. Frankly, I haven’t ever really understood girly fashion so I begin by discovering my feminine side.

And after two hours I am still figuring out……..

I give up and make up my mind to buy something new, something more girly. So I just wear a basic jean and a tee. By the time I am ready, I realise it has taken more than an hour to dress myself. How in the world this happened, still bugs me.

I visit a famous show room with all the latest fashion designs. I start looking at the latest trends and see what I want to wear. Hmm......Well definitely I decide to wear something that would make the guys heart and eyes pop out. I look for a top which would just reveal as much cleavage as necessary and leave a lot to be imagined and desired (and they still say being a man is easy). Sorry for being naughty. And also something that would show my navel. I believe that a navel is one of God’s greatest gifts to women and she’s not doing enough with it.

So I choose the dress I wanna wear. I can see myself question why the store would charge me the price of a second hand Maruti for a simple dress. Unable to comprehend the equation, I finally decide to buy it.

I wear the new outfit and am looking quite stunning (nothing to laugh. actually I am). I can suddenly feel the effect in people eyes. At first I thought they are respecting me by not looking up to my face. But it feels weird with the feeling that people are actually talking to your chest instead of you and it has nothing to do with respect.

At the end of the day I have learnt a lot which I have not learnt in my whole life. I am able to distinguish between kajal, eye pencil, eye shadow and mascara. I have learnt the concepts of hair colouring, tints, shading, streaks and highlights. Learning that black can be boring when it comes to hair. I have also learnt how to over utilise your brain. I have had almost two million thoughts at one time and the brain cells are almost dying for a break. Also much crowded places like SN, Janpath, karolbagh can suddenly becomes a crave.

My head feels so heavy. I am so tired that I fall on the couch and suddenly reach the other world. I see Lord standing there and laughing at me. He mischievously asks me “so, how was the day?” And my expressions said it all. So he asks me "wanna continue"....I am left speechless. Realising that I have had enough, he calls it a day and raises his hand and say some gibberish words. Instantly, I feel peaceful and relaxed. I open my eyes and see myself on a couch. Curious, my hands automatically go down and I get a sense of manhood.

I look around and see that the bottle of beer is empty leaving me with a thought “was I really a woman for a day or…..”